Hi beautiful people,
Last week was a bit of a shock for me because the anniversary of Erik’s death hit me much harder than it has in recent years. As the clock ticked on, my thoughts were “This is the last time I saw him walk upstairs.” “This is the moment he pulled the trigger (12:41 PM)” “This is when Maria called me saying she heard a loud sound and she was afraid.” “This is the time we were racing home, everyone in the car screaming,” “this is the time that I ran across the front lawn to the door, stumbling.” “This is the moment I saw him.” I’ll never forget that smell of gun powder. “This is the moment the police ushered me away from his lap.” “This is the moment the cornea bank called” “This is the moment I heard the sounds of the crime scene cleanup crew ripping up his carpet.” and it went on and on like that the entire day.
It started when my energy was invaded by something very dark while working on someone’s beloved son so I think that’s what happened. I’ve cleaned my energy since but still feel a bit off. Getting better day by day. I just need to get through tomorrow, the anniversary of my baby’s burial.
My husband saw the shape I was in and whisked me for a very short stay up in the mountains of Colorado, but I couldn’t fully unwind and won’t until probably after tomorrow. Work will also help as will any news of successes from any of you.
That said, I’m so sorry for canceling the CE YouTube Live. It was on that dreaded anniversary and I couldn’t stop crying long enough to make any intelligent conversation. And I won’t be able to do the radio show because that’s tomorrow, the other dreaded anniversary.
Not sure i’ll every be completely unbroken, but I heal best by healing others and I thank you all for giving me the opportunity to do that for you.
I have around a week and a half backlog, but I know I can trim that to a week or less soon.
Thanks for understanding,